Tomorrow- The Illinois Bar Exam

Tomorrow I take day one of the Illinois Bar exam. A morning of Illinois essays, then a multistate performance test (practical lawyering stuff), and an afternoon of multistate essays. This stuff is going to be hard, very hard. The next day, MBE, Multistate multiple-choice portion, I'm not so worried about.

Today, I am doing nothing. No point studying, I'm burned out, nothing more will stick, I know it, or I don't.

2 days of hell. I can't even believe I'm at this point. I can barely believe I graduated University, nevermind having gone through Lawschool, gotten a J.D., and now have myself poised to take the ILLINOIS BAR EXAMINATION, which, if I pass, ensures a PROFESSIONAL LICENSE to practice LAW in the state of Illinois (and then by fee, Federal Court when I need to).

I already took and passed the MPRE ethics exam, I seem to have passed the CHARACTER AND FITNESS background check, it's just this test, this one HUGE, MONSTER, EVIL test.

I can't wait for it to be over, the mental stress, as well as the physical (really let myself go recently) is a lot, I can't wait to think like a normal person again, go to the gym, salvage myself.

It's just hard to believe not only that I'm at this point where I can take this exam, It's hard to believe what this exam means. It means:

1) I'm an adult, at least in the eyes of the world. I feel like a kid still. Can you believe, someone who feels like a kid is about to take a test in order to be conferred a professional license?

2) It's Law, it means a lot of responsibility. This is the kind of license that means I can open special bank accounts for clients, am held to a higher standard of care in just about anything with any legal significance whatsoever. People are supposed to trust me, with pretty much everything. This means I can show up in court, a person's life in my hands, their future completely in my control. I am competent to handle anything, even if I don't have immediate knowledge, I am (theoretically) able to learn anything I need to learn for any legal/business matter.

I am taking a test, to be a LAWYER. Holy shit, Highschool doesn't even seem THAT long ago, and now I'm (hopefully) about to be a LAWYER?

Contracts, Torts, Constitutional Law, Evidence, Criminal Law, Criminal Procedure, Family Law, Wills, Trusts, Corporations, Agency, Partnership, Commercial Paper, Secured Transactions, Federal Jurisdiction and Procedure, Illinois Procedure, Equity, Conflict of Laws, Sales, Real Property, Personal Property, Tax, all stuff I could be tested on, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

Well, here goes.

What the hell am I doiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing?