Why hello thereI like Jason Voorhees, the hero of the movie, because I feel I relate to him on some levels. For one, he and I both own machetes and hockey masks. We both care for our mothers, we both had some trouble socializing during parts of our childhood, and we both have a problem with adrenaline apparently.
One of my greatest admirations for Jason is his proficiency and respect for the blade. Yes he's a psychopath hunting people down with a machete, but he has really refined his skill with the hacking cleaver into an art. He makes it look beautiful, and I have to credit him for that. Jason also makes good use of anything else cool to kill someone with, most notably tools/weapons of a melee nature, with which he shows a great proficiency.
Jason's expertise does not end here however, as he demonstrates in the most recent movie- he is an expert archer. He also shows that he is great with psychological warfare, and is a very resilient combattant.
This movie had a ton of boobs. Boobs everywhere pretty much. Perhaps Jason doesn't like boobs all over the place, and thats why he kills everyone who disturbs his den of evil? Although I like a lot of things about Jason, there was a worrying part of the movie RE: Boobs. The asshole of the movie said something like "I really like how your nipples look, and their placement on your chest". I fear that I might be the jackass in a horror-movie-type situation, and therefore die one of the more greusome deaths. It's hard for me to accept, but I might be the dudebro douchebag type that gets really selfish, abandons everyone, and then gets love made to him with a chainsaw.
One of my greatest admirations for Jason is his proficiency and respect for the blade. Yes he's a psychopath hunting people down with a machete, but he has really refined his skill with the hacking cleaver into an art. He makes it look beautiful, and I have to credit him for that. Jason also makes good use of anything else cool to kill someone with, most notably tools/weapons of a melee nature, with which he shows a great proficiency.
Jason's expertise does not end here however, as he demonstrates in the most recent movie- he is an expert archer. He also shows that he is great with psychological warfare, and is a very resilient combattant.
This movie had a ton of boobs. Boobs everywhere pretty much. Perhaps Jason doesn't like boobs all over the place, and thats why he kills everyone who disturbs his den of evil? Although I like a lot of things about Jason, there was a worrying part of the movie RE: Boobs. The asshole of the movie said something like "I really like how your nipples look, and their placement on your chest". I fear that I might be the jackass in a horror-movie-type situation, and therefore die one of the more greusome deaths. It's hard for me to accept, but I might be the dudebro douchebag type that gets really selfish, abandons everyone, and then gets love made to him with a chainsaw.
We're fucked, bro
I was pretty worried about the prospect of being that dudebro who gets it hard, if/when my life turns in to a horror film. However, I know this won't happen, and here's why:
I am such a vengeful person, that as soon as a group of us/friends started getting attacked by a psychopath, I would just up the ante and go more psycho on him. In a Jason-like situation, I think I would find myself a machete and go at it... Jason Style, on Jason. Now, maybe I would die in the process, but it certainly ensures that I just get my head cut off rather than getting violated with gardening shears.
I've certainly been in many situations where a horror movie was ABOUT to start, and then failed to. It was as if fate was opening the door, preparing to usher me in to a horrific 24 hour long horror escapade, then realized who it was, and quickly shut the door on me. This might not have so much to do with me, so much as that every time I was about to enter a horror sequence, Mike Paulin was with me. Is he the one attracting the trouble... or making sure it doesn't happen? I don't know.
A few examples of horror about to start:
1) Driving to Minneapolis with Mike sometime in 2005, where we drove by a house in the middle of nowhere in northern Iowa. The house was completely dark, except for a spire that had a single light on. In the spire was some kind of person/creature rocking violently in a rocking chair. It was below freezing outside, and about 11 at night. Now, had the horror escapade not failed to launch, I'm sure Mike's car would have broken down, and there would have been a long tortured chain of events involving basements, and crypt monsters, and torture rooms. However, whatever was in the rocking chair apparently looked out at its prey, noticed it was me and Mike, and kind of awkwardly turned it's head and just hoped we'd go on without noticing.
2) At Mary's, with the screen... it's so hard to describe but anyone who was there will tell you there was something evil that wanted to kill us. Basically, there was a projector screen, and the projector lost power. So there was nothing being projected.... but there was still something on the screen, from no apparant source. It was an evil face, and it was about to suck our souls into a torture unfathomnable by mortals. However, it saw me and Mike and said "shit... fuck this".
3) 8 Years worth of Mike's Basement. The stale cheeseballs on their own could have started a horror film.
These are just a few examples, they happen all the time- usually with Mike around. It's either got to be that the evil spirits fear us, respect us, or can't be bothered with us. Maybe it's like a Union contract, and we're marked to become psycho killer horror fiends ourselves, and so they won't mess with one of their own. Either way, Mike Paulin is haunted.
The moral of the story is this: If anyone wants to go camping by a lake that is supposedly haunted, I think we'll be fine. 1) I can out-Jason Jason. 2) I am not actually the douchebag dudebro, 3) I don't have a penchant for getting my female friends to go around topless, 4) Mike will both attract and repel all evil spirits, and 5) Stella wouldn't stand for it.
I am such a vengeful person, that as soon as a group of us/friends started getting attacked by a psychopath, I would just up the ante and go more psycho on him. In a Jason-like situation, I think I would find myself a machete and go at it... Jason Style, on Jason. Now, maybe I would die in the process, but it certainly ensures that I just get my head cut off rather than getting violated with gardening shears.
I've certainly been in many situations where a horror movie was ABOUT to start, and then failed to. It was as if fate was opening the door, preparing to usher me in to a horrific 24 hour long horror escapade, then realized who it was, and quickly shut the door on me. This might not have so much to do with me, so much as that every time I was about to enter a horror sequence, Mike Paulin was with me. Is he the one attracting the trouble... or making sure it doesn't happen? I don't know.
A few examples of horror about to start:
1) Driving to Minneapolis with Mike sometime in 2005, where we drove by a house in the middle of nowhere in northern Iowa. The house was completely dark, except for a spire that had a single light on. In the spire was some kind of person/creature rocking violently in a rocking chair. It was below freezing outside, and about 11 at night. Now, had the horror escapade not failed to launch, I'm sure Mike's car would have broken down, and there would have been a long tortured chain of events involving basements, and crypt monsters, and torture rooms. However, whatever was in the rocking chair apparently looked out at its prey, noticed it was me and Mike, and kind of awkwardly turned it's head and just hoped we'd go on without noticing.
2) At Mary's, with the screen... it's so hard to describe but anyone who was there will tell you there was something evil that wanted to kill us. Basically, there was a projector screen, and the projector lost power. So there was nothing being projected.... but there was still something on the screen, from no apparant source. It was an evil face, and it was about to suck our souls into a torture unfathomnable by mortals. However, it saw me and Mike and said "shit... fuck this".
3) 8 Years worth of Mike's Basement. The stale cheeseballs on their own could have started a horror film.
These are just a few examples, they happen all the time- usually with Mike around. It's either got to be that the evil spirits fear us, respect us, or can't be bothered with us. Maybe it's like a Union contract, and we're marked to become psycho killer horror fiends ourselves, and so they won't mess with one of their own. Either way, Mike Paulin is haunted.
The moral of the story is this: If anyone wants to go camping by a lake that is supposedly haunted, I think we'll be fine. 1) I can out-Jason Jason. 2) I am not actually the douchebag dudebro, 3) I don't have a penchant for getting my female friends to go around topless, 4) Mike will both attract and repel all evil spirits, and 5) Stella wouldn't stand for it.
Mike and Ed? I'm not fucking with those guys...
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