Two dear friends of Mine got Married the weekend before last, Daniel Krug and Annie Mahoney. I've known them both about a decade, I played Waterpolo with Dan in highschool, and lived with Annie for two years (one in college, one in law school).
We did a wedding shower/bachelor(ette) party a few weeks ago, and it involved some epic times at Medieval Times. Annie got me some cool gifts: 1) A set of foot cleaners (probably because she has always complained my feet smell), and 2) A set of Pez dispensers which are the full cast of Star Trek the original series, including the Starship enterprise.
I can't wait to use these
Today I will recount the wedding itself:
Surprise assholes, I'm at your wedding!
The day of, I went with David and Fiona to pick up some presents and David's tux. The tux was really nice, Dan picked out a good one for all the guys (we all had the same tux on, just with some different colours). If I had to make one criticism about the tux, however, it is that it didn't have the crotch enhancement sock included. There were suspenders, regular socks, pretty much everything... but nothing to make my package look totally sweet. Unfortunately I had to fashion my own; Dan didn't account for us not all already having beautiful bulges naturally (like he has), but I'm pretty pleased with the fake crotch I fashioned. The grapefruit was quite edible and delicious the next day.
We then went to Bed Bath and Beyond (BBB) to get some wedding presents. Unfortunately there was none of the plates Annie specifically requested in stock, but there was something that caught my eye. When I saw that they requested a "Dutch Oven", I just had to get it for them. I can not think of a better present to show my affection for the wonderful couple than an entendre to fart torture. Dan and I have happily farted on each other countless times, and I've farted on Annie (to her dismay/hatred) for about a decade straight. I'm hoping they will both enjoy the "Dutch Oven" I gave them, and that Annie will realize that my gaseous assaults on her were playful and out of love.
I met up with the girls (Bride's Party) for lunch at noodles, and they all looked hilarious. They were wearing plastic hair protectors a la old British Lady. Lunch was good, and I ensured that I would have enough pesto breath for Annie to smell from me while she was trying to enjoy the most beautiful moment of her life. We broke from lunch, I wished Annie good luck, and we went our respective ways.
...Until we met up again in Joliet at the Mansion. The Mansion Annie and Dan had their wedding reception in is next to the Chapel in which they got married. It's actually a really cool place, theres a real feeling of intimacy and awe that the beautiful old building creates. To make a point of honesty, when Annie told me that they had decided to switch from the Naper Settlement chapel to this place in Joliet... I thought this stuffy old mansion sounded pretty lame. I looked online, and I was only moderately impressed with the place. Once I stepped in the place on the day of the wedding, I instantly felt like an idiot. Henry Jacob Mansion really is an awesome place to have a wedding reception. There's a wonderful feeling to the place- but not too serious (the Jackaloupe... rabbit with antlers, mounted by the bar is evidence enough of that). Really Annie made a terrific call, and Val was right (Val and Dave got married at the same place), I can't think of a cooler place to get married really.
David and I (running late) quickly ran to a bathroom and changed into our tuxes. There was a creepy painting of a man staring at us in there. I'm pretty sure his eyes and mouth moved, Viggo style from Ghostbusters II, minus the world domination, plus creepy rape stare. I found Mike and Emily, both of them looked pretty awesome. I noted that they had both taken care to ensure their crotches looked totally bangin' for the great cerimony. David and Mike looked really good as the "goon squad"/ushers. They went around threatening people in mob voices, which was pretty sweet. I found Dan and his guys, got a beer, and headed upstairs to make contact with the Bride's Party.
They were being girly and fixing stuff up, specifically setting Annie's dress/veil thing properly. One thing I will admit, is that Annie looked absolutely stunning. I had seen her in the dress before when she got it, and thought it was pretty good. I don't think I'm big on texture/lacing, but I thought it was a good dress on her back then. Seeing the dress on her after it had been tailored was something else entirely. She made a really good decision, it was really classy without being frumpy. Kind of modern/chic, but not obnoxious. Basically, she balanced out everything really well, and ended up looking like the kind of bride I imagine a lot of girls fantasize about being. Kudos to her. I have a long history of verbally and psychologically crapping on Annie, for my own amusement, but I can find nothing to dig her on here. She really did look amazing, but don't tell her that.
Dan also managed to look like a wedding magazine model. Like I said, he picked out a very good lucking tux design for us all. It looked extra good on him. He had a vest/tie colour called "Bisque", something that I figured might look kind of silly. I was wrong, he had the same kind of thing going as Annie- classy but not frumpy. He made that thing look awesome, really like someone in one of the David's Bridal magazines. The groomsmen also looked really good, I had figured that their colour scheme would look a little weird, but it also turned out to be really cool. The theme of this story is that I am stupid and shouldn't have doubted anything, because Dan and Annie pretty much engineered a perfect wedding.
There were a lot of professional pictures taken, with every possible combination of everyone in the wedding party- Groomsmen, Bridesmaids/men, Fathers, Mother, Ushers, and the couple. I feel like a lot of the pictures with the Bride's party that would have been otherwise cute were made creepy with a guy (me) in them. For example, when Annie lifted her dress to show her garter and we all looked to give a "that's hot" expression... pretty cute for a bunch of bridesmaids to do... maybe a little creepy with a guy in it. In any case, a lot of pictures were taken, and I can't wait to see them/order some. One of the things that was revealed to everyone during these pictures is that Annie was wearing punky sneakers with skull designs on them. This is a very subtle but very Annie touch to the wedding. Underneath it all, she's still Annie, and that's always there. I get it, pretty clever/cool. However, maybe I'm reading too much in to it and she just wanted to be comfortable.
The Ushers were deployed to usher people in right before the wedding, and then we all headed over to the Chapel. The big moment was coming up, and I was about to crap myself with nervousness. We did our procession in, and I walked down the aisle with Liz. I had tasked Liz to watch me and make sure I did everything right that I was supposed to do, and I think she saw me right to that task. Dan was pretty much the essence of stud up at the front, possibly because he had so insidiously made sure that he would have the most amazing package. The Bride came down, and I think everyone was very impressed with the aesthetic of everything (it was a very cool chapel too).
I was kind of shaky and nervous through the cerimony, almost cried a couple times but managed not to, because crying is for girls. I was psychotically focused on the tail of Annie's dress, as I was tasked with being the "Fluffer". I guess this is something the Maid/Man of honour always does. The pastor told me I was the best fluffer that he had ever seen, and that made me proud, obvious porno reference aside. Unfortunately, I think in a lot of the pictures, everyone looks pretty distinguished, and I look like I am staring at Annie's ass...or maybe garter again. I think overall I fluffed well, I am most proud of where they are standing facing each other and Annie's dress is draped over the stairs. Pretty sweet, isn't it?
Perfectly fluffed dress
We all exited as per usual wedding, and Mike and David gooned/ushered people out. We headed over to the Mansion for the reception, and I realized something. I think weddings, as a rule, freak me out. When I was standing up there with Dan and Annie, I wasn't freaked out at all. I was nervous, but I was basically just really really really happy. It was awesome that they were getting married, and I was really happy to be there, and really proud to be part of it. I was thinking about how the two of them are basically family, and we'll be friends till we die or I fart one time too many. Was actually a really cool experience to be right there at ground zero of the vows, and I think I will always remember it very clearly. At least, I will remember every crease and ruffle of the tail of Annie's Dress...
Dutifully fluffing
We all got announced and came down the stairs. I was expecting one of the Groomsmen to make a speech when the couple stopped half way down the stairs. Someone poked me and I just went up instead. I toasted them, neglecting the speech I had written earlier, and just kind of said what was on my mind. I feel it was acceptable. Nate, Dan's brother gave a really good speech, and I think Dan set the proper mood with a very characteristic "thanks guys" at the end of the speeches which everyone found to be funny.
Any cross examination?
Just as the wedding had been pretty much perfect, I think the reception was pretty much perfect too. The food was awesome, and the drinks were nice and stiff. Everyone seemed to have an awesome time, and I think Dan and Annie liked it too. I didn't realize that clinking on your glass meant you were inciting the couple to kiss... for a while I was going under the assumption that many many toasts had failed to launch. When I found out that you could make them kiss by clinking, I made a point to do it, while staring, and saying "kiss...yes...kiss" in a creepy Mike Paulin voice. I think there might also be a photo of them Kissing, a professional one, that would otherwise be really sweet were it not for me giving a huge grin and thumbs up behind/inbetween them.
Later there was dancing, and as Emily noted "Neither Mike nor Ed can dance... at all... oh god it's so bad... I can't bel... it's just SO BAD". That being said, Mike and I managed to "skank", a move taught to us by Andi (mutual friend), and that was kind of cool. Dan was undoubtedly the most popular dancer of the night, but I managed to pull off a few cheesy moves like "mow the lawn", and "harpoon the Mike Paulin and drag him on to the dance floor"... that one was actually kind of awesome. David managed to restrain himself from break dancing, though I knew he wanted to. I also got to catch up with some Naperville crew, Kyle, Alyson, Lauren, Brendan, and it was nice to hang out with them a bit. Kari and Scott were also at the wedding, and it was awesome to see them- but I regret not hanging out with them more and getting some photos with them. They're really awesome people, I should have interacted with them more. Hadn't seen them sinze Liz's wedding. Oh well, next wedding?
The only dissapointment of the evening was that when David asked the DJ if he had Rick Astley's "never gonna give you up", he was told that "no, we don't, sorry". It would have been awesome for him to Rick Roll the wedding, it's really a shame it didn't happen. The night ended with a song by Avril Lavigne "Skater Boy", classic Annie planning. Everyone sang along and kicked about and looked ridiculous.
Heres a video that my brother uploaded on to youtube of everyone dancing, it's pretty ridiculous:
I also managed to get the garter when it was thrown by Dan. I guess it's the male version of when the girl throws flowers. I was happy to get it, though I don't know what significance it has. The significance I do know of is... theres pictures of me oggling the garter from before the wedding, there's pictures of me staring at it (maybe) during the wedding, and then theres a picture of me showing it off after I caught it. Basically, people are going to get the idea that I am a garter fetishist based on the photographic evidence available.
It was an awesome wedding, and an awesome reception. Those two really pulled it off, and I think they had the perfect event. I was really happy to be there, and really proud to be in the wedding party. I certainly was able to appreciate how important they both are to me, and how significant they have been, are, and will be in my life. I see them as kind of a model of a married couple, and they're a great couple.
A beautiful wedding, or something
It was also really cool to have such a strong Soderberg presence there. I kind of thought of it as an old fashioned thing with several Celtic Tribes. Dan's family had a large presence of course, but the Soderberg Clan was huge...(if not in number, at least in significance) and we aren't even technically related. My mother talks about Dan and Annie (and Mike) as if we are all family, as if we are a joined clan with sweet weapons and packages (part of this might be that we don't really have extended family). Still, it was a really chest warming affirmation to have such a big presence (Me, Fiona, David, my Mother). We all sat close to the couple at the reception, 2 of us were in the wedding party (3 including Mike), 3 (4 with Mike) were announced, and I think we all feel that those two are really kind of family/family friends forever.
I can't wait for a Harry Potter-a-thon with those two, as well as watching the startrek porno.
What the hell am I doiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing?
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